Last night, Mickey and I were talking about raising children, which is a pretty regular conversation in our home. I suppose that happens often when one parent is a teacher and the other is a play therapist. Parenting, child development, discipline, screen time, and family routines naturally become part of everyday life.
I told him about an article I had read that said children should not use electronics in the car.
And immediately I thought, yikes.
Our kids have used devices in the car plenty of times. Sometimes they watch a DVD together. Sometimes they pass my phone back and forth to play a game. Sometimes, on long drives, screens have helped everyone get through the trip with a little more peace.
I looked at him and said, “Oh man, maybe we need to stop letting them use electronics in the car. Are we doing it right?”
Parenting, I mean. Will they grow into the people we hope they will become?
He did not have an answer, and honestly, neither did I.
That is one of the hardest parts of raising kids. We will not truly know the results of our parenting until our children are grown. We make thousands of little decisions along the way, hoping they are the right ones, but there is no way to see the full picture yet. It can feel overwhelming, and sometimes it is a little scary.
No one knows until they’re done.
We do our best. We love our children, care for them, guide them, and make the choices that seem right with the information we have in the moment.
Yes, I discipline them when they need boundaries.
Yes, I give them age-appropriate chores and expect them to help around the house.
Yes, I encourage them to eat their vegetables and make healthy choices.
Yes, I tell them that I am proud of them and remind them often that they are loved.
And yes, I am sure I overdo some things at times.
No, I do not always know if I am doing it right.
No, my kids are not perfect, and I do not expect them to be. But they are good people.
They are kind. They are loving. They are empathetic. They are learning gratitude. They are generous in ways that make me proud.
There is no guarantee.
As parents, we try to make thoughtful decisions, but there is no guarantee that every choice we make is the perfect one. Parenting is not a simple formula. What works for one child may not work for another, and what feels right in one season may need to change in the next.
Are we doing it right when we tell our kids tofinish their choresbefore they relax or have screen time?
What about when we let the chores wait because the weather is beautiful and they want to run outside and play?
Are we doing it right when we ask them to try their vegetables?
What about when we do not force them to clean every bite from their plates?
Am I doing it right when I encourage them to try harder, practice longer, and keep going when something feels difficult?
What about when I tell them they need rest, space, and a break from pressure?
These are the questions many parents ask themselves. We want to raise responsible, resilient, compassionate children, but we also want them to feel safe, loved, and understood. Finding that balance is not always easy.
There isn’t an answer key.
We do not get an answer key when we become parents. There is no perfect checklist, no cheat sheet, and no single parenting book that can tell us exactly what to do in every situation. We can read advice, listen to experts, learn from other families, and gather helpful ideas, but at the end of the day, we still have to make choices for the children standing in front of us.
Some people may read those questions and say, “Yes, that is exactly right.” Others may completely disagree.
One parenting expert might say I am doing it wrong. Another might say I am doing it right. A friend may have one opinion, a relative may have another, and the internet will always have plenty to say.
The truth is that no one knows every answer.
But most parents are trying. We are learning as we go. We are making mistakes, apologizing, adjusting, and trying again the next day.
You are doing that, too. Giving yourself grace matters. It matters for your own peace, and it matters for your children to see that growth is part of being human.
We don’t know what the future holds, but we do know this.
There is one part of parenting that feels clear to me. I may not know everything, and I may not always make the perfect choice, but I believe this deeply:
We are doing something right when we love our children, talk to them, spend time with them, and truly listen to them.
We are doing it right when we lie down with them at night, even for a few minutes, just to talk, be close, and listen without distractions.
We are doing it right when we remember that our words may one day become their inner voices.
We are doing it right when we lead by example and understand that our children are watching us. They notice how we speak to others, how we handle stress, how we apologize, how we work, how we rest, and how we treat people who can do nothing for us. Every day gives them another picture of what adulthood, kindness, patience, and responsibility can look like.
If we do nothing else perfectly, we can still focus on becoming the kind of parent we hope our children will remember: a parent who listens, explains, leads, cares, understands, respects, sets boundaries with empathy, and praises with genuine pride.
From what I can see, if I keep trying to do the right thing…
- if I am kind
- if I am a hard worker
- if I am a loving and caring person
- if I practice gratitude and generosity
…maybe they will learn to live that way, too.
For now, the best thing we can do is use our time wisely. We can be present. We can put down distractions more often. We can make room for conversations, connection, laughter, discipline, forgiveness, and everyday moments that build trust.
Then, years from now, when we look back and ask ourselves, “Did I do it right?”
I hope we will be able to answer with confidence: “Yes. I loved them well, and I kept showing up.”
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